[FM] I lost my virginity behind my boyfriends back

It's 2007, I'm 18 years old. It's my first week of college. Orientation week. First week living away from home. First week of what is going to be the most transformational year of my life.

It's almost 2AM. The taxi has just pulled up to the student accommodation building where I live. I smile at the driver as I hand him a tenner and thank him for the lift, wish him a good night.

The click clack of my heels reverberates around the empty courtyard. I'm grateful for the privacy. I'm wearing a short dress, because every other girl I know is wearing a short dress. I don't understand why I'm uncomfortable. I think I do, I tell myself it's because I'm fat, but I will learn that's wrong. I haven't learned how to look sexy yet. The dress is wrong for me. It hangs loose off my curves, makes me look much bigger than I am. I should be showing off my tits, but the only body parts on display are my legs and arms. I caught plenty of guys looking at them anyway tonight, but that only made me feel embarrassed.

I have a lot of growing up to do at this point, a lot of learning to love myself. Don't worry, I will get there.

I scan my fob to get in the bulding and wait for the elevator. I'm a little tipsy. I was always been a good girl growing up, I never snuck any of my parents' booze, never went drinking with my friends. I didn't get wasted until my secondary school graduation party, and I felt so embarrassed that night that at this point I'm still too nervous to properly let go again.

I'm thinking about what to do when I get up to my room. I should call Kevin. Kevin is my boyfriend. He's in college in another city. He's probably awake playing video games, that's how he's been using his new found freedom this week, staying up all night to play World of Warcraft. It's already starting to give me the ick, but I assume it's a phase and he'll get over it soon. He wont.

Kevin is the first boy I kissed more than once. It feels funny now, but at the time being with him was so exciting. He's nice. Really nice. Too nice to be honest. When I told him he could touch my breasts, he never even tried to get under my top. Just daintly placed an open palm on my bra through my top.

I liked it, but I desperately wanted more. A week ago, on our last date before college started I grabbed his dick through his jeans. I had made my mind up I was just going to force the matter and give him a blowjob, but he outmanoeuvred me when he came in his pants. He got embarrassed, then angry and drove me home in silence. He apologised the next day, but he insisted he wasn't ready for that yet and he wanted to take it slow, which was disappointing to hear as a girl who hoped every night we went out would be the night he'd finally fuck me.

In hindsight it's easy to see that he had shit going on, but at the time I was too consumed with the shit I had going on to notice.

The other thing I want to do is get off. I've just been in a nightclub for the first time ever. The three other girls I went out with all went home with guys, they're probably having sex right now. I had to say no to four different guys who wanted to make out with me because I have a boyfriend. They were all cute. I'm so fucking horny thinking about all this.

There are two things I've been getting a lot of use out of in my room all week. The first is broadband internet. It's 2007 in Ireland, dial up is still the standard in a lot of homes, especially in the countryside where I'm from, but I have access to broadband in my laptop in my new apartment and I've watched more porn in the last week than I did in my entire life up to that point.

The second is this 9-inch long, thick black dildo my best friend Kathy bought for me as a gag gift for my 18th birthday. She thought she was being hilarious, but I love it. I was afraid of being caught with it when I lived at home. I'd take it out at night while my sister was asleep and run my hands over it in the darkness, maybe give it a lick, kiss the tip, practice jerking it, before stuffing it back in it's hiding place, but now, with my own room with a lock on the door, a private bathroom and flatmates who don't care what I get up to in there, I spend hours with it, sucking it and fucking myself while watching whatever free porn clips I can find.

As the lift opens I decide I'll play with myself first, maybe call Kevin after. Maybe I won't call him at all. Maybe he'll be worried that I cheated on him? Maybe that will scare him into being more affectionate? Maybe I should have cheated on him?

I push 4 as all these thoughts go through my head, then the front door opens and Matt walks in. Matt is a fellow first year, we met earlier in the week when a lot of the first years in the building had a big impromptu getting to know each other party.

He's tall, athletic, dark curly hair and handsome. He's cocky, wears a permanent cheeky grin. He's dressed for a night on the town, and tonight he looks really fucking hot.

"Hey Vicky," he says with a smile when he sees me.

"Hey Matt," I can feel my cheeks blushing bright red from his attention as I hold the door open button.

He steps in, hits 3 and stands next to me. We both stare at the door. The smell of his aftershave fills the space, it smells amazing to me.

"Did you have a good night?" he asks.

"Yeah, it was so much fun. You?"

"So far so good," he says with a grin.

The door opens on his floor and I feel his hand on the small of my back. I breathe in sharply in surprise, and he says, "Come on, let's get a nightcap."

"OK," I say.

He keeps his hand on me as he leads me down the hallway to his flat. He unlocks the door we're inside.

All these student flats have the same layout. There's a hallway, three bedrooms numbered 1,2,3 and the living room/kitchen. I am a little confused for a second when he leads me towards bedroom 2 instead of the living room, but I soon process what's happening.

We're in his bedroom, he tells me, "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a minute," and he disappears into the bathroom.

I'm going to break the narrative flow here for a second to confirm that, yes, a slightly innapropriate touch and a white lie I only kind of wanted to believe that in fact was all it took for him to get me into bed, even though I didn't know it yet. I'm genuinely quite naive at this point in my life and my experience with guys is limited to light petting, so it doesn't yet occur to me that we're going to go farther than that.

I'm not completely stupid, I know I'm going to make out with this man and I am looking forward to it. Kevin does not exist in my mind right now. I'm excited, horny and nervous.

I take off my heels, and sit on his bed and wait for him. Moments later my eyes go wide and my jaw drops when he emerges naked into the room.

He has a great body. Lean, muscular, nice abs. I can't take my eyes off his cock though, it's hard, bouncing hypnotically with every step he takes. I've never seen one in real life before. I think it looks beautiful.

"You can get more comfortable than that," he teases me. I stand up and nervously reach back and find the zip of my dress. My hands are shaking and I can't stop them  long enough to undo it.

I turn around, present my back to him, "Can you unzip me please?"

He walks over and gently pulls the zip down, and then he pushes the dress off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He grabs my hips, leans in and kisses my neck. I close my eyes and moan.

I feel his cock press against the skin of my back. I reach back and take it in my hand, and turn my face to kiss his lips. I step out of my dress and turn around, his hands are on my waist, then slide down to grab my ass. 

My underwear is a plain black matching set. I already own a few sexier sets, but I'm not looking to get laid tonight because I have a boyfriend, so I'm wearing plain underwear. Matt breaks off the kiss and looks at my body, and I'm actually surprised that he looks happy with what he sees.

His hands slide up my back and open my bra and he lets it fall. "You've great tits," he whispers, and I realise I love the feeling of my body being admired. Then he grabs them and squeezes them, pinches my nipples and it feels incredible.

We move back to the bed, kissing each other. He's on his back, and I'm on top. I look down at his cock and it's inviting me. I move down, take it in my hand. I remember this first person blowjob video I watched where the girl kept eye contact with the camera. I try to replicate that. I stick my tongue out and touch the base, and watch the delight on his face as I drag it slowly up his shaft. I reach the tip and my tongue moves off it. I lower my face to kiss his abs, curious to explore his hard muscle. One hand gently jerks him off while the other moves off his hip to feel his tight ass.

I move back, open wide and take his tip inside my mouth. I slowly move my lips down his length, feeling it slide inside. I'm still holding eye contact with him, he's looking at me with so much appreciation.

I feel pride from watching the pleasure on his face as I bob my head, sliding my lips up and down his cock, getting about two thirds of him in. He places his hands and my face, moves them up to the top of my head. I like his touch. Then he presses me down, forcing more of his cock into my mouth, down my throat. I gag, and tap his thigh in panic.

He releases me and I'm coughing, processing what just happened. I wasn't prepared for it, it wasn't OK that he did it, but I kind of like it. This is the kind of rough treatment I didn't know I'd been craving. My mind goes back to a video I'd loved, of a girl being roughly face fucked, how I'd tried to roughly fuck my own mouth with my dildo while I touched myself to it.

I look at him and he looks embarrassed. "Sorry," he says, "I got carried away."

"It's OK," I tell him. He pulls me back onto the bed next to him and kisses me. His hand finds its way inside my panties and I moan in his mouth when he grazes my clit. He keeps going down and slips his finger easily inside my soaking wet cunt.

He breaks the kiss and we grin at each other. He opens a drawer on his bedside locker and pulls out a packet. I watch fascinated as he tears it open and rolls a condom down his cock. It suddenly occurs to me that I'm about to lose my virginity. I bite my lip and open my legs. He moves between them, pulls my panties down and off. A man is looking at my naked body for the first time ever and he loves what he sees.

He has his cock in his hand and he points it at my pussy. I feel the tip against my hole and then it's sliding in easily. I'd heard sex for the first time is supposed to hurt, but it doesn't for me. It feels different to the dildo I've been fucking for the last week, it feels better. I'm not in control, I don't know how he's going to move. The weight of his body on mine feels good too.

He's on top of me, thrusting into me, sliding his cock in and out of me. "Is this OK?" he asks me gently. "Yeah," I say, before adding, "Fuck me harder," echoing something I heard a girl shout in a porno that I thought sounded hot. He grins, kisses me on the lips, then he concentrates as he raises his body a little to get an angle where he can really pound me.

I reach down into the space he's just vacated, my fingers find my clit, and I start to stroke it as he fucks me, and soon I'm cumming hard. My face scrunches, my whole body tenses, I cry out in pleasure.

I open my eyes. He's stopped thrusting to watch me cum. We grin at each other, then he starts thrusting hard again, and soon he's filling the condom with his own cum.

I watch with lust as he gets off me and walks naked into the bathroom to clean up. I'm a little disappointed when he comes back wearing underwear. "That was amazing," he says happily, "Um, I'll see you later?"

"Oh," I reply, kind of surprised. I was expecting a cuddle, maybe another round. I rush to add, "Yeah, sure, it's getting late."

I self consciously dress while he watches me. He leads me to the front door, offers a fist bump and says, "We should do this again sometime?"

"Sure," I reply. I'm actually kind of relieved he's kicking me out when it occurs to me I should probably call Kevin.

I walk up the stairs to the next floor, go to my room, change into pyjamas. I check the time. It's 2:30.

I take a deep breath. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't feel guilty, I feel nothing. That bothers me. "Kevin doesn't deserve this," I say to noone.

I try out a few lines, "Hey Kevin, look, I'm sorry. I just had sex with someone else…. I just slept with someone else….. I just got fucked….. I don't think this is working for me…. I went home with a real man…. ." Fuck it, I think, I'll just wing it.

I dial Kevin's number. It rings twice, then it goes to voicemail. He's awake, he's just too busy to talk to me.

Fuck him. I'm angry for a moment, then I laugh out loud at what I did behind his back. I turn off the light and go straight to sleep.