A dry/unprepared vagina should be considered the same as a flaccid penis.
As in, not ready for sex. As in, it would be as ridiculous to try to have sex with an unprepared vagina as it is to try to have sex with a flaccid penis. Have you ever tried to have PIV or anal sex with a flaccid penis? It just doesnt work.
Now, not always. Many people with vaginas sometimes have a disconnect with their minds (me being one of them), where their mind is ready but for whatever reason, their vagina is not wet/prepared for sex. In that case, the other person needs to clarify if theyre ready or ask what they need to get ready.
If theyre ready but their body isnt following, load up on the lube and follow their lead. If theyre not ready, this offers a safe place to explain their needs and wants to enjoy sex.
A vagina is not a hole that can be used at any time no matter the condition, just like how a penis is not a rod that can be used at any time no matter the condition. Barring a medical condition or another reason the person's vagina is usually not wet, PIV should not occur until the vagina is wet/prepared or until the other person directly asks if theyre ready; and if not, what they need to get ready.
I've experienced a lot of sex when i was dry/unprepared. Its not fun. I started to avoid sex because it often hurt or felt like an annoying chore i had to suffer through, which hurt my bf and our relationship. I had to learn to demand what i needed for my pleasure and not just his, and he had to learn to listen to me.
(By demand, i dont mean "we do everything my way and focus entirely on me or no sex", i mean "i need you/us to do certain things for sex to be equally enjoyable, not just what you need to get your nut. My nut matters too.")
Top Comments:
Totally agreed, but we need to think about more than wetness. In another parallel to the penis, the size of the vagina (i.e. its capacity) changes with arousal. An aroused vagina will typically open up, and/or be more receptive to penetration. This varies from woman to woman (akin to how guys can be "growers" or "show-ers").
The reason I emphasize this is because we often hear "use lube!" as a fix for painful or uncomfortable sex. Lube is great, but it can also be counterproductive if it is used to facilitate penetration of a vagina that is neither lubricated nor relaxed/opened/receptive.
Much like a guy can experience impotence - non-cooperative genitals - even when he is mentally excited about having sex, women can be mentally interested in intercourse but physically shut down. A woman can also be wet (from prior arousal) but her vagina can tighten up due to pain, anxiety, fear, or other negative stimuli. This can lead to a vicious cycle - one instance of painful intercourse can increase the odds of future difficult/painful intercourse. I think this could be related to vaginismus, which is an inadvertent and extreme tightening up of the vagina.
My advice is something you seldom hear recommended: center the woman's arousal, comfort, and pleasure. Make sure she is climaxing routinely before intercourse is attempted. (In that the couple is good at getting off together - not saying sex should only be tried post-climax.) Never have painful or uncomfortable intercourse. This runs contrary to the thing we hear so often: "the first time will be painful - just grit your teeth and get through it". I think this is extremely harmful advice. And the "just use lube" thing can be sort of a double-edged sword (if it facilitates intercourse when the woman is not sufficiently aroused).
