How to recover emotionally from unwanted anal?

Oct 23, 2025

cuipingcheng

Me and my boyfriend were having heated sex and he was hitting it from the back. He started to pull almost all the way out and shove it back in at a good rhythm but then he pulled all the way out and when he went to go back in he rammed it fully into my ass. It was the worst pain I've ever felt and I was bleeding profusely, I went to the bathroom and just cried while dripping blood. looked in the mirror and it was very bruised and fissured in multiple places. I've never cried like that and I have a pretty high pain tolerance.

He apologized multiple times and I believe it was a total accident, he feels terrible and nothing like this has happened in the 3 years we have been together. I feel so dehumanized and I can't even be mad at him because it was definitely an accident. It upsets me because he can't understand how it felt to be hurt like that in such a vulnerable position. It has been 3 days and I've physically healed pretty well but I need to know how to get over this emotionally.

I've never wanted to do anal and I just feel so humiliated and violated. I don't want to take this out on him but I don't know how to stop feeling like this.

Any advice would greatly help

Top Comments:

People have given practical advice, I'll give emotional advice. Connect. Have a bubble bath together if possible, when you're ready. Cuddle under a blanket and share a pint of ice cream to a shared favorite movie. You're both feeling big feels after this, be soft with each other. Talk. Maybe face to face sex for a bit until you feel 100% comfortable again. But the biggest thing is communication and coming back together since you both seem to accept this was a true accident.

Three days is not long enough to heal, physically or emotionally. Pain is genuinely a very scary thing to experience when not expected, and during sex you are at your most vulnerable so it makes sense that it would be a deeply upsetting experience even if you believe it was 100% an accident. Establishing for yourself and voicing out loud to him that you are not angry with him, but having a literal trauma response that you will need time to work through, may help set expectations and avoid some of the potential "taking it out on him" feelings for either of you.

Have some semi naked cuddles where you have skin to skin contact, but Do Not do anything sexual. Your brain needs some safe and non threatening touch experiences to help you heal. If you feel okay being naked, ask for a back massage. It will put you in a vulnerable position and you can feel safe knowing nothing bad will happen to you and he can hold you afterwards. I know you think you are physically healed but those kinds of fissures and tears can take a month. Stay away from things like nuts and spicy food for a couple weeks so your gut can pass everything easily.

Im sorry this happened to you as I am sure it was painful and now you have lots of emotions. But as someone who has had fissures (from childbirth) you may think they are "healed" but they are just "healed over". I ended up with an entire fissurectomy that could have been avoided had I got it checked out early. I recommend seeing a doctor to make sure its healed ok. Trust me - you do not want a fissurectomy.

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How to recover emotionally from unwanted anal?

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