What I've learnt in the last year about sex with having no penis.
Hi all.
Basically, I had my penis removed last year because of cancer. For content, you can read my post history.
I feel like I need to "pay it forward" to you all because a post I made on here gave me some amazing sound advice and has transformed my sex life, and I'd like to help those out going through the same.
First and foremost, just because you are not using a penis doesn't mean you can't have sex.
I mean, most would go "no shit Sherlock" but this was the biggest thing I feared before my surgery that I would never have sex again. In the last year, I've discovered this isn't the case - yes, I can't have natural penetrative sex (I'm not counting using a strap on) but now I define sex as so much more. We have oral sex, use our fingers, stimulate our nipples, even have kissing sessions and I count it as racy sex sessions. And when we do use a strap on for sex, it's as a "treat".
And on that point, I can say quality is better than quantity.
Before the op, we had sex about 7 times a week - and it always ended in me cumming. Now, I'd say we make it about half as many times, but the quality is amazing. As opposed to 15-20 minute sessions, we go on for over a good hour now sometimes and we often can't look at each other afterwards.
And as I don't have any penis, I don't always cum but that's alright as she has so many good orgasms now - in fact, we have shifted and she has more orgasms now than I do which I really enjoy as it gives me a massive ego boost. If before I didn't cum, it would be the end of the world but now we know that isn't the be all and end all.
Also, it's taught me that body confidence is a thing in itself. After I had the op, I had months where I couldn't face being naked around her as I felt "less than" or ashamed. Since I've been working on myself, I've learnt that being comfortable in your own skin goes a long way to feeling sexy - if you feel sexy, someone else will find you sexy too.
Lastly, I've learnt that communication is important especially about boundaries.
A few months back, my partner bought up the idea of pegging on myself and initially I was horrified. My last posts did nothing to help me as so many tried to talk me into it and I was so resistant.
We had a conversion about it again not so long ago and I dismissed it, saying flat out no. She asked me why and I said basically it would feel so emasculating to be bent over and "fucked" by her - it signifies all what has changed and has been lost by losing my willy. She said I don't have to be "fucked" by her at all, she just wanted to make me feel better about myself. We talked long and hard, and decided that if we try anal on me, she doesn't have to wear a strap on at all and we can use a non phallic toy to stimulate me without being"fucked" at all.
We went over my last posts and found some good recommendations for genuine prostate massagers that we may try. But by communicating, we worked it out together.
It's early days yet, but I'm getting there and sexually in a far better place than I was 6 months ago. And because you all helped me out so much, I feel that this post is my chance to help others out the same way I was helped.
Thank you all so much!
EDIT: Wow, gold and silver! Thank you so much kind strangers.
Further edit: People ask me how I orgasm, or typically what it takes to get me there.
The vast majority of my orgasms come from having my balls, perineum and inner thighs stimulated typically by my partner's tongue. The feeling is a million times more intense now than it used to be, and being pleasured down there leads to ejaculation as well as an orgasm.
Also, I have had them from my nipples being played with. They have become an erogenous zone since my operation, and the orgasms are out of the world from them.
And also, for those asking, I still very much come. It comes from a hole created just behind my balls in the perineum area. I still have my prostate and testicles so the consistency, appearance etc is still normal- it just dribbles out.
