Guy In The Apartment Above Me Died and I Ended Up Getting a Blowjob From My Neighbor – [MF]
About a month after I lost my job, I started to smell something weird—like, rotten, and I figured it was coming from my ceiling. I asked if my neighbor, Kaitlyn, smelled it too and she did. I called the landlord several times, and he basically told me there was nothing he could do about a random smell in my apartment.
I stayed in that apartment for weeks, opening windows, plugging in those Febreze plugins, doing everything I could to cover up the smell. Definitely a breach of the warranty of habitability, but my landlord wasn't doing squat. Luckily my lease was ending in a few months, and I could get the hell out of dodge.
It gets worse though. One day, you see, it's not just a smell anymore. I wake up, and there is literally a giant stain on my ceiling and IT IS DRIPPING onto the floor. I call my landlord and basically threaten to sue him if he doesn't figure out what the hell is happening, and I'm guessing you guys have already figured out what they found. Apparently, the guy above me had been dead since the smell started and when the found him his body was liquifying. That's right everyone, I was inhaling dead guy for a month and his body was leaking through my ceiling.
I sent a demand letter to the landlord shortly after that. I didn't want out of my lease right then because I didn't really have anywhere else to go. I just wanted him to paint everything, replace the carpet and anything else that any fluids touched. I had guys replacing my stuff the next day while my landlord put me up in a hotel.
All's well that ends well, yeah? Well, it turns out that the landlord was stiffing my neighbor Kaitlyn on painting her walls as well. She may not have had any fluid leaking through her ceiling, but the smell had seeped into her walls and it was pretty bad. She asked me the day I returned to my apartment if I would help her out in talking with the landlord, and I agreed to cover it pro bono. Kaitlyn was honestly always so nice to me, if not a little bit loud on occasion. Genuinely just a good neighbor, and I knew she didn't have a lot of spare cash, so I just decided to do it for free.
What is a lawyer who has nothing to do all day because he lost his job? A landlord's worst nightmare.
I sent a demand letter in the same fashion I had earlier, only on Kaitlyn's behalf. The next day, she was getting her apartment refinished as well.
I honestly didn't expect anything in return. Just trying to be a good person for once in my life. You spend enough years at a giant law firm defending the "bad guys" enough, and you develop sort of a complex.
Well, the day Kaitlyn returned, I heard a knock on my door around 7 P.M. I looked through the peephole and saw Kaitlyn and opened the door. She looked really cute, in an effortless way. Kaitlyn was about 5'6 with brown hair, hazel eyes, and a tan complexion. She wore a t-shirt tucked into her tight jeans and some black flats. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and her face was made up.
"Hey!" Kaitlyn said with a smile. "Can I come in?"
"Sure!" I said. "How is your apartment?" I asked as she walked in.
"It's great. Really. Thank you so much! I honestly don't know what I would have done without your help." She reached behind her and pulled out an envelope from her back pocket filled with cash. When I saw the money, I instantly refused to even count it.
"I can't accept this, Kaitlyn."
"I won't take no for an answer." She replied.
"Truly, I am doing just fine. The whole reason I went to law school was to help people—money was just a side benefit. I should be thanking you for helping me remember that." I told her to keep the money and spend it by helping someone else.
"Well if you won't take my money, will you let me give you something else?"
"Really, Kaitlyn, I don't need anything."
"How about dinner?" She said, way too nonchalantly.
I laughed. "I'm sorry, what?"
"You heard me. Let me take you to dinner?" My neighbor asked again.
I was caught of guard. "I mean, yeah, that sounds like fun. But then debt repaid, yeah?"
"Great! It's a date. Meet you at [Restaurant] tomorrow night?" She said.
"Uh, yeah sounds . . . great."
Kaitlyn pecked my cheek and then left.
When I arrived at the restaurant, Kaitlyn was already there. She picked a pretty swanky place and I wore a collared shirt and some slacks. Kaitlyn on the other hand wore a full-blown dress. It was white in a halter-top design with a rather low-cut. The V-neckline dipped down enough to show off plenty of cleavage. If I had to guess—B cups, and perky. It was backless and also showed off a little bit of side boob. It flared at the waist before hugging to her butt and ended just above her knees. I was woefully underdressed when I took my seat at the table opposite her.
"You look stunning," I said, taking my seat. "I hope I didn't have you waiting too long for me."
A waiter came by with a cosmopolitan for the lady.
"Good choice," I said, before ordering a whiskey neat.
"Thanks, it's my go-to." She smiled, taking a sip.
My drink returned and we toasted to the guy who used to live in the apartment above us, and to our landlord. Our conversation evolved quite naturally. I listened to her entire life story. She was one year younger than me, 29, and was from Ohio originally. She was Christian but didn't attend church. She attended the University of Georgia on a scholarship for undergrad, then went to Georgia Tech business school. She had no plans of returning to Ohio. She was working for an NGO in Atlanta, but what she did was a little above my comprehension—I just argue for a living. We talked about how I used to play baseball, then moved back home to go to law school. We avoided talking about exes. She was, unsurprisingly, a Bulldogs fan, but sadly cheered on the Reds over the Braves.
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