TIFU telling my parents they were not allowed to have sex under my roof
My parents spent the week with me. It was something the two of them planned to do since I moved out and continued my life in another country. My mom and dad refused to let me arrange a hotel room for them. They wanted to be closer to me, as in, spare bedroom closer. I agreed to let them use the spare bedroom in my apartment on one condition: no sex under my roof. I decided to drop that line as my mom and dad were unpacking their bags. The look on my parents faces were priceless. I reminded them of the no sex under our roof rule I was forced to follow while living with them as a horny teenager who had equally horny girlfriends. My dad looked at my mom and said "you heard our son, honey... no hooking up in his house." All those years of fucking anywhere except for my room where it was comfortable and safe and somewhat private had brought me to this moment where I could have payback on the people who put me in that position.
My payback backfired the following day when I was driving my parents to all the tourist attractions. Towards the end of the tour, my mom used the GPS on her phone to locate the nearest sex shop. She insisted that I drive her to the sex shop so she could stock up on sex toys. Hearing the words "sex toys" come out of my mom's mouth made me wanna fill my ear holes with wet cement and bleach my brain. I looked at my dad for help, but he just shrugged and said "you banned me from boning your mother, so now she's doing what she needs to do to get the job done without breaking the rules." I encouraged my mom to forget about the fucking sex shop and pretend that I never said anything about not allowing sex in my apartment. My mom said rules are rules and persisted that I drive to the sex shop, which I reluctantly ended up doing. Both my parents got out of the car whereas I did what probably most sons and daughters would do in that situation, which was wait the car and contemplate my life choices.
My parents returned with more than enough bags for one person, hence my dad telling me that he found a few things he could use too. I made it clear to both my mom and dad that I never wanted to know what was in those bags. What made the situation even more awkward for me was walking to my apartment with my parents who were carrying bags that were covered in branding that made it obvious as fuck where my mom and dad were shopping. It was an uncomfortable and embarrassing experience crossing paths with some of the residents who knew me because I noticed them noticing the bags filled with sex toys that my unashamed mom and dad made no effort to hide in public. Since my parents returned home yesterday, I found a tongue vibrator under the bed in the spare bedroom and a prostate massager inside the bathrobe my dad forgot to pack. I made the mistake of informing my parents about it and now my dad is expecting me to somehow ship that shit to him. Sigh.
TL:DR
My parents visited me for a few days. In an attempt to get back at them for not allowing me to have sex in their house when I was younger, I decided to enforce a similar restriction and prohibit them from sleeping with each other under my roof. What I thought was a taste of their own medicine turned into my parents forcing me to drive them to a sex shop to stock up an absurd amount of sex toys for them to use under my roof without breaking the rules. I've been finding used sex toys in my apartment ever since.
