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What they don’t tell you about a threesome [FMF]

Mar 12, 2024

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Jordan Zhou

It's been a weird year for me sexually. I got out of an almost decade long relationship filled with deviant, rough sex. That does weird things to you when you get back out there.

I'm head over heels for the first person I started dating, like an idiot. The sex is fine. Serviceable. We're both getting off, we both have an idea of what the other likes.

But he never really gets into it, never really let's go. I ask him why and he says it's "because of who you are". Whatever that means. He says that he can't fuck me the way he wants to, that he respects me too much.

Holy fucking red flag. I almost don't want to ask the follow up question, but I have to know.

"Do you… respect women less after you fuck them?"

"No, of course not!" He's offended. "That's the really weird part. I don't think that at all."

I believe him. He asks me if I remember the scene in the Sopranos where Tony is talking about cheating on his wife Carmela. They ask him why he has a girlfriend.

"I do things with her I can't do with my wife."

"Why can't you do them with your wife?"

"Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?"

He says this is how most men feel about their girlfriends.

God. How did men get so fucked up?

I decide to hold my tongue on two things. One, I'm not your girlfriend. Two, that scene is actually from Analyze This.

I feel too sexual and not sexual enough all at once. Or like my sexuality is just wrong. The question of our sex becomes a bruise that won't go away.

I still fuck other people. Their desire feels good. They tell me all the things they like about my body, the things they like about how I am. Each one is a small bandaid over the bruise. I can still see the outline of it though, bleeding beyond the nude-ish plastic. It's shape is organic and real, and the bandaids are standard-issue square. I go around collecting them, all slightly different colors. All too small and too surface to really do anything at all.

I know what they like. Each of them different, but also the same. I submit to each of them differently, but also kind of the the same. How can I not understand these things about him? It makes no sense. Sometimes I wonder if this is just me self-sabotaging, my favorite sport. Sometimes I wonder maybe it's not that deep, maybe he just doesn't like fucking me.

I think a threesome is a just another way to make sense of all of this. I can't just keep fucking him without understanding. I can't keep getting the connection I need from other people. Ironically, that means fucking someone else.

I'm sitting at a table with him and a chick he was dating previously. Her dark hair is cut in cool way that frames her pretty face. I see her hands. I see the way her lips show her top teeth instead of her bottom teeth when she talks, a weird thing I've always liked. She continually surprises me during this conversation. We're more similar than I thought we'd be.

It becomes more obvious that this is happening. We go back to his place. We're all sitting on the couch. He kisses me, and then her. And then her and I kiss each other. She unbuttons my shirt and takes it off. She's soft, but direct, which I like. I sense that we both have a similar enthusiasm for sex.

We move down to the floor with me ontop of her. It's much softer than being with a man. I like it. A lot.

"Oh my god this is fucking amazing." I say in between kissing her. "I can't believe you get to be with women every time." I say to him.

I'm not even sure where he is. This is so good that he has kind of ceased to exist. Every dude has ceased to exist. Swear to god, I might not go back.

Her and I move to his bed and we have the best 69 I have ever experienced. This feels so good. We're both licking each other's pussies and asses and it's sending me into another dimension. I like the way she is- sexual, brave and shameless. I love the tattoos on her skin and how her body feels. I slip two fingers inside her and watch how she reacts. Her moans are soft and deep, coming from somewhere dark inside her.

I tell her that she has such a nice pussy. Going down on her is amazing. I could do it for days. I can't get enough of me inside her. Hands, tongue. I wish my mouth was bigger so I could devour more of her. I hold my palm up near her face and tell her to lick it the way she likes her pussy licked. I want to know her. I want to know what she likes. I feel her tongue on my hand, it's slow and broad. I match what she's doing with my tongue on her clit. I try to burn it into my memory so I can do it how she likes over and over again.

I am high on lust and dopamine.

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The highlights come back to me later:

Licking my entire palm and slapping her ass, hard. The way her ass looks with my hands on it.

Him grabbing the back of my hair and holding my head above his cock so I have to beg to suck his dick. Please let me. I want it in my mouth so bad. I need it.

Both of us wrapping our mouths around his cock together. Share, girls.

Her asking me to fuck her ass while he's fucking her. I put my fingers in her ass and I can feel his cock inside her. It's so dirty and twisted together and hot.

Me riding him and her getting behind me. Her nipple rings pressing against my back. My hands reaching around, desperate for her to be closer to me. Putting my fingers in her ass and pulling her into my rhythm.

Her moaning for him to wrap his hands around her neck.

Her telling him to press her into the mattress harder.

Watching her come for the first time. She curls up on the bed while we just watch her orgasm.

Her whispering how hot it was to see me ontop of him. It makes me feel seen and understood somehow.

Her dirty talk. Let me feel your big balls slap my pussy.

When he bends me over and fucks me from behind. It finally feels real. Harder. Fuck me harder, Daddy.

Both of us laying on the bed making out while he stands above us, getting himself close.

Him coming in her mouth, then mine, then on our faces. The way I lick it off her face and then rub our faces together while I kiss her. Laughing together about it. Its a shame he didn't stay around to see this. It's so fucking hot. But part of me is glad it ended how it started, with both of us women just wrapped up together, enough for one another. I remember we laughed together at the beginning too.

We sleep together, we wake up together. He fucks both of us, and comes inside me. We lay around for a little until he realizes he wants to fuck her again. He says it's because he wants cum inside her too, but I know what it really is. He simply wants her.

He asks if he can fuck her. I say yes, partly out of curiosity, but partly because if that's what he wants, I want him to have it.

He always referred to some nebulous "kind of sex" he likes, but was never able to really able explain to me what it was. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was definitely not expecting to see something I recognized. He's fucking her, well, the exact way I like to be fucked. Rough, but intimate. It's so strange to see him want someone, to enjoy sex as an act with someone else. I didn't realize he was capable of having this kind of sex. He's fucking her so hard, but they find pockets of tenderness together. She almost falls off the bed and he grabs her and says don't worry, we've got you.

He's comfortable with her. Saying what he wants. Doing what he wants. It's real sex. Not the shit they sell you on tv. There's a real connection I can feel. He puts their faces together, for me. He tells her to look at me and turns her face toward me. He can tell I like watching their faces. Pushed together, one on top of the other, but contrasting emotions. Hers of surrender next to his of force. Like sex versions of the comedy and tragedy masks.

Our faces are so close to each other. I can feel their breaths. The sunlight is breaking across her face and it's so fucking beautiful. I thought watching would just be hot. I wasn't prepared for how truly moving it would be. Its so incredible to watch people lost in that moment. It's the first time I've actually felt connected with him during sex. It's the first time I've felt my ego be completely annihilated through the act of sex with him.

Afterward he tells me one of his favorite things during was just watching me watch them. The look of fascination on my face. What he doesn't realize is that I'm not just really fascinated by watching them have sex. What I was fascinated by was him. I tell him all this one day, I can't help crying. That's the shit they don't tell you about a threesome. It can be the deepest, most moving sex you've had in a long time.

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