I just had a sexual experience that broke my heart and made me cry like a baby [sexual damage]
I'm a sex worker. Today, I got messaged by a guy. A 25yo virgin wants to lose his virginity. So after some vetting, we arrange to meet up at a hotel.
One thing gave me pause and it was that this guy is really, really physically attractive. Stereotypically so. Literally tall, dark, handsome. If I met him just out in the world and he told me he modeled, I'd have believed it.
So then some of the most emotionally gut wrenching sex happened. He just coudln't get out of his head. The best way I can describe it was like he was cramming for a test tomorrow and he already knee he was going to fail that class. He wanted to do well so badly. It wasn't so much awkward as it was heartbreaking. Eventually, after me trying to co fort him and coach him, he just got off of me, sat on the edge of the bed for a minute, and started to cry and tell me I could go.
In that moment, i felt this overwhelming sense of sorrow. What he was feeling was so authentic and painful that I knew I had to be there for him. I scooted up next to him and held him. He asked me to please let him go and he said he felt worthless and like a loser.
I sat there and told him that I would leave if he really wanted me to, but that I would really like if he spoke to me about what he was feeling. At this point I was crying so I think that made him feel more comfortable.
He told me that he was raised religious, didnt say which, and that he was trying to wait until he was married for sex. He said he was recently in a year long relationship where it eventually came up and his religious gf broke up with him. It got back to him that she did it because of his lack of experience.
He said he felt sex was ruined for him. That it was tied to him feeling inadequate and like he wasn't a real man with any value. He said that everyone his age learned how to have sex 10 years ago and that he was waiting for a woman who wasn't waiting for him.
His plan was to pay for sex. He was going to keep going from sex worker to sex worker to build some experience but that he ended up just hating himself the entire time he was trying to have sex with me. Before I could respond to him, he hurried and put his clothes on and left.
He gave me a very suicidal vibe and i must have called him more than 50 times. Sent like 10 texts. Idk why but i just felt so scared for him. Still haven't gotten a response. I dont even know this guy and i feel so scared and sad for him. Such a heartbreaking story. I just want to hold on to him and tell him hes not worthless.
